ABOUT US > STUDENT TALES

Click here to view samples of students' work

Funny stories

According to our students:

During a reading exercise which read, “Thus, a lodger……..” one student, trying to understand the meaning of the word ‘Thus” asked, “Is ‘Thus’ his name?” Aaww…

One student delightfully praised the qualities of his teacher, Robin, saying, “Robin is an oasis and a prayer”. Marvellous!

Trying to identify present continuous verbs, one student identified 4 verbs– swimming, playing, evening and something.

Mount Fuji was pronounced as Mount Foggy!

Discussing UK sports activities, one student intending to talk about surfing declared,  “I sometimes go suffering in the sea in the UK.” I’m sure that’s true!

The model in the picture was wearing orange juice on her feet.

After struggling with understanding modal verbs, particularly ‘modal may for benediction’, one Russian student finally understanding the rule and declared, “May God enlighten my heart to modal verbs”! Excellent sentence!

Hebden Bridge, famous for its pot-smoking culture, has a new term for wacky backy – catchy batchy.

Can anyone explain why one student’s Arabic/English electronic dictionary translated ‘stars’ as pressure cooker?

According to one student, football kit is ball-proof clothing. Great term!

Anyone know the verb to calliverate? We weren’t able to ascertain what this particular student meant. Any ideas?

Arms are small legs.

The past of to think is thunk.

Who did what to whom? I was walking the dog into him while bumped.

One testimonial we won’t be using on the website! “It was great to be learned by you. Even if I’m still doing some grammar errors it’s better than before.”

A bull has thorns on its head.

Gloves are hand socks.

One student meaning to say that the unhappy boy in the picture had lost his teddy bear, said, “He is sad because he has lost his Tony Blair.” We know how he feels!

The medieval period of history, 5th-15th c., was in fact, middle-evil times.

Margaret Thatcher’s special name was, The Metal Woman.

One student, declaring he was resisting improving his pronunciation, claimed, “I am irresistible!” (Lucky Sasha!)

When in London, Her Majesty The Queen lives in Paddington Palace!

A man with no hair on his head is bored.

A person under house arrest is under domestos detention. (Domestos is a cleaning product!)

One Polish student, complaining about English desserts, said, “I don’t like those English cheesycakes!”

Tall buildings in New York are called, skygrabbers.

During deep sleep, our closed eyes move quickly. This is REM, Rapid Eye Movement. According to one of our students, this is, Rabbit Eye Movement.

One Chinese student, not able to remember the word, “honey”, charmingly called it, “Yellow sugar”.

When expressing hope, we usually say, “Fingers crossed!, which is shown with the middle finger of one hand placed over the top of the index finger of the same hand. One student used the expression, “Fingers cross!”, as if the fingers were angry!

Going through the alphabet trying to find words for food beginning with each letter of the alphabet, one student said, “Nuts, Orange, Pear, Qucumber…”

One Polish student, with very untidy handwriting and difficulty pronouncing the /I/sound in ‘fish’, said the reason that his written work was so bad was because he kept making sleeps of the pen.

The opposite of inhibited is exhibited.

Condaleezza Rice, United States Secretary of State, provided students with two interesting new idioms recently. She explained that she would she would commit to finding the solution to a particular problem, and be sure to investigate the real cause of it. She said, “Don’t worry, I’ll stay on top of it and get to the bottom of it.” Eh?

Technical language is sometimes difficult. One student claimed that he was familiar with addition, subtraction, multiplication and dividiation.

Not knowing the word ‘brigade’, one student referred to the fire station police.

A ballet dancer stands on her foot fingers.

Trying out an animal idiom for feeling really hungry, one student said, “I’m so hungry I could eat a cow.”

Delightfully, one student explaining the rules for adjectives and adverbs said, “An adjective describes a noun; an adverb adds flavour to a verb”. What a lovely explanation!

Apparently, in Polish, a genius is an omnibus. Great word!

According to one Polish student, once you have sent a fax you have “just made a faxination”

One student, trying to find the verb to describe two people talking about an engineering plan (‘discussing’) said, “They are disgusting.”

Try this:
Fi yuo cna raed tihs, prehpas yuo are cevelr too. Cna yuo raed tihs? Olny 55 plepoe out of 100 can. I cdnuolt blveiee taht I cluod aulaclty uesdnatnrd waht I was rdanieg. The phaonmneal pweor of the hmuan mnid, aoccdrnig to a rscheearch at Cmabrigde Uinervtisy, it dseno't mtaetr in waht oerdr the ltteres in a wrod are, the olny iproamtnt tihng is taht the frsit and lsat ltteer be in the rghit pclae. The rset can be a taotl mses and you can sitll raed it whotuit a pboerlm. Tihs is bcuseae the huamn mnid deos not raed ervey lteter by istlef, but the wrod as a wlohe. Azanmig huh? Yaeh and I awlyas tghuhot slpeling was ipmorantt!

Samples of students' work e.g. short stories.

Don’t speed, death is faster.
Meshaal Alahyawi, February 2009

In 1996 my uncle bought a car but he didn't know that the car could be become his grave.
On that morning my uncle’s father, my grandfather, was going to work as any other day. He saw a big accident and he stopped because the road was closed. He went towards the accident.  Suddenly, he was astonished because he recognized the car. This was his son's car. It had become a piece of garbage. He asked the person who had seen the crash, “Where is the driver?” He was anxious.
“The ambulance has taken him to the hospital”, the person said.
My grandfather went to the hospital. He asked the receptionist about his son. The receptionist knew something but he didn't tell him,  ”You need to go to see the doctor, the receptionist said.
My grandfather immediately went to meet doctor.
The doctor said,  ”I'm sorry your son gone to his god. When he had the accident he was driving 180 km/h, and he lost control of the car and for that reason he died.”
My grandfather loved his son but believed in fate.
Now when my grandfather looks at me he is reminded of his son because I have same face as wall. He commanded me, “Don't speed, the car maybe become your grave.”

Joke
Written by Anwar Fanan, February 2009

"Who is the cleverer, the doctor or the engineer?"

There was doctor and engineer sat on a plane next to each other. The trip was very long. The doctor looked towards the engineer and asked him, “Let's play a game to fill our time.”
The engineer apologized gently and turned his face to other side and slept. After a few minutes, the doctor was insistent and wanted to play with him and tried again and told him, “It is an easy game and marvelous,” and he explained it to him: The doctor said, "I will ask you a question.  If you can't answer it, you should give me $10.00. Then you ask me a question, and if I can't answer it, I will pay you $10.00.”
And engineer turned his face to other side like he did the first time and slept.
After a few minutes the doctor, discomforted, said, “If you can't answer the question you should give me $10.00. If I can't answer it, I will pay you $100.00! OK?"
The doctor excited the engineer's imagination, so immediately he accepted the offer.
The doctor asked the first question, "What is the distance between the earth and the moon?" The engineer immediately gave the doctor $10.00 because he didn't know the answer.
Then the engineer asked him his question, "What is the thing which goes up a mountain on two legs and down on four legs?” The doctor wondered at the question and he opened his computer to search for the answer. After one whole hour the doctor woke up the engineer and gave him $100.00 because he hadn’t found the answer. Therefore the engineer took the $100.00 and put it in his pocket and turned his face and slept.
The doctor was amazed because he still hadn’t been given the answer to the question. After quarter of an hour the doctor could wait no longer and woke up the engineer and asked him for the answer. The engineer told him that he didn’t know the answer either and gave him $10.00, and he didn't say another word and returned to sleep.
Do you know why??????
How much did he win from doctor?

The Lovely Meeting
Mhammed Al_harbi
February 2009
 
I'll tell you story about a meeting between me and my cousin:

I went to my farm in Saudi Arabia. While I was there, I met my cousin. It was a very lovely meeting. While we met we talked together about horses. He said to me, “Mohammed, do you remember that you had promised me you would teach me how to ride a horse?”
I said, “I haven’t forgotten.”
After that I went to the tack room, brought the tack and got the horses ready for me and for him. After that I taught him and I enjoyed seeing him ride the horse. On the journey, he said to me, “Come over here with your horse and take me to trot between the mountains.” I did that for him. It was a fantastic time. Really, I relished that time with him.

A story about our journey to Manchester United
Written by Anwar Fanan, February 2009

It is important in every school to arrange a journey for students during the period of study, so my school arranged a journey for us to Manchester. I was anxious to see Manchester United’s stadium and the city of Manchester. On the day we went, the weather was snowy and most of the trains had been canceled, but I caught the train at 8:35 in Bradford station where the number of students was nine. We met in the train station of Hebden Bridge and went towards our target but somebody, his name Soud, was left behind on the station because the train arrived while he was smoking behind the station! But fortunately, there was another train after 20 minutes, so he took it and came to us. We had been waiting for him for ages! After that we took a tram to Manchester stadium which was a big surprise for us: it was really great and very beautiful and it has all manner of security:

In this picture we are in Manchester United’s stadium

After that we went to have our lunch. While we ate our lunch Yahya touched a glass of cola and spilled it because he wanted to take some ketchup from his friend, so all my friends laughed :

In this picture Ayman is very hungry

 However, after that we went to the Imperial War Museum. While we were there Mohamed started to hit Meshaal on his head with some snow. From then on the students started to hit each other with snow:

In this picture "Here starts war with bombs of snow."

 So their hands became very cold. And so, after we visited Imperial War Museum, we took a bus to come back. While we walking to the train station suddenly we missed Yahya so I said, "Where is Yahya? Where is Yahya?" When I turned round I found him but all his clothes were very wet!
When I asked him what had happened, he answered, “ I fell in the fountain while I was taking a photo.” The weather very cold and he was shaking from the cold. Somebody gave him coat, another gave him socks and someone else went to bring something warm for him to drink. The situation was very funny.

In this picture " Yahya very happy before he fell in the water "

Review
by student Anwar Fanan, on information technology book, February 2009.

Introduction
This book talks about modern technology and the technology of most of the companies in Libya. The author suggests several methods of how to use modern technology and how to develop our companies.

Main Part
First of all, I'd like to talk about the author. His name is Abo Beker Alhoshe. He is from Libya. His qualification is doctor of philosophy in information technology, he has several electronic management certificates from the most famous university in the world, and he wrote this book in 1998 in Tripoli, Libya.

Secondly, I'll talk about the contents of the book, rather I'd like to talk about  technology's problem in most of the companies and the last programs which were used , the writer takes one of these company as a case study : he suggested several suggestions to develop these companies.

Summary
Eventually the writer recommended many solutions to repair and develop these companies quickly.

That was the moment when I realised I was in the wrong place.
by Dorota Czajak, 2008.

When I was standing in the middle of nowhere, looking at an old, empty road on my left-hand side and a completely ruined, huge, silent building on my right-hand side, I tried to remind myself how I had happened to be there. I had got a job in a plastic factory, yes. The manager had given me a letter with the location of my new workplace, yes. I had been supposed to start on Monday (it means today), yes. The factory should have been on Old Road, yes. Or rather… no? Maybe it was Old STREET?! That was the moment when I realised I was in the wrong place. I couldn’t believe it!
           
            “Don’t worry”, I heard a voice just behind my back. “You are in the right place. I’ll explain everything to you later.”

            The voice belonged to an elderly lady who smiled at me brightly. Curiosity compelled me to follow her. We went towards the ruined building and the world changed at that moment I stepped inside that spacious, colourful, fantastic factory.

            “Do you really make plastic things in this kind of place?!” I asked in astonishment.

            “To be honest, no”, she replied. “We make smiles here. We just call ourselves The plastic factory because nobody would apply for a job in The smile factory, would they?”

            She was right. I felt like I was in another dimension and, in fact, I liked it. I decided not to ask about anything but just let things happen. And I smiled.

Friend
By Dorota Czajak, 2008

People called him a “weirdo”, and ignored him whenever he came to their shops, sat next to them on a bench or passed by them on a street. I have always wondered why. Perhaps it was because he had never spoken to them – not due to disability but owing to choice. I have never heard his voice either. Anyway, feelings are much more precious than sounds and so I have never forgotten that his heart was the warmest heart by which I have ever been touched.
As long as we have known each other, he became a “good spirit” in my life, always close to me, always ready to help. My brother, my guardian, my enigma.
I remember the day when I saw him last: the gorgeous, sunny morning and he – quiet like always – looking at me with that inexplicable attentiveness. My daughter couldn’t swim – he couldn’t either. She survived – he has gone…
No matter what people said about Alex, I knew he was a true friend.

Memento
By Dorota Czajak, 2007

I will never forget the day the electricity stopped. On that day I was sitting in my spacious, old-fashioned living room with a cup of aromatic coffee. Reading a book is the best you can do on a cold, snowy, depressing, November evening, especially if there is nobody you can talk to or nobody you can just be with. In the middle of a particularly fascinating bit of action, suddenly, the light went off. Darkness covered the house. I looked through the window – the whole town was covered by deep night. There was no light anywhere. I wasn’t afraid. I found a candle in the kitchen, I lit it and I quietly studied the flame. After a while, I sensed that someone was in my house. I entered the living room carefully – there was somebody sitting on my sofa. Strange. I wasn’t frightened. An old man with a silver beard and a black coat stared at me and observed me. He stood up silently and I felt I had to follow him.

We went through the dark town and along the empty streets. There were no people. There was neither light nor life. I wondered what was going to happen but, on the other hand, I was so deeply calm and wasn’t worried about anything. There was just him and me and a weird walk to an unknown place.

Finally, we arrived at a dilapidated house. He opened the door of the room and I saw a lot of people inside wearing the same black coats. I assumed they had been patiently waiting for me. I was standing in front of them and, obviously, didn’t know what to say. I noticed that I recognized some of them but it was too dark to be sure. When I plucked up enough courage I said loudly, “Who are you?” The answer surprised me so greatly. “Souls”, the old man replied. “We know you are alone and depressed. You think there is nobody who cares for you. That’s not true. You have us. We are your family, your friends. And there are more of us, hundreds and hundreds. Don’t worry. You no longer need to be lonely.” It was the 1st November, All Saints’ Day…

Eagle story
by Dorota Czajak, 2008

There was a land – a spacious, magnificent, bright land. There was a girl quietly admiring the world, roaming the land, searching for something… something that she couldn’t find. She believed that one day “It” would come and bring her the happiness of the universe. There was an eagle. His strong wings had made the wind his servant because he had become the king of the air.
On that day she saw him – soaring with majesty and dignity. He seemed to be free, he seemed to really live. She watched him jealously. Suddenly, he flew down and stopped just in front of her, between the land and the sky. Their eyes met. For the time of silence they were staring at each other. For the time of silence they were motionless. She didn’t feel anything, didn’t hear or think. She sank in the darkness of the eagle’s eyes; deeper and deeper. At the darkest and deepest bottom she found it. Her destiny… to be an eagle, to race with the wind, to see the world from a bird’s-eye view, to reach the sun. The happiness of the universe didn’t last for a long time. The eagle flew away, left her alone with an uncontrollable desire to follow him. She looked at her naked arms, ridiculous feet and her human’s body. She realized she would never glide freely through the air. At that moment the marvelous land entrapped her. Her destiny – so impatiently expected – became the saddest thing that could ever happen. Freedom was above her, beyond her reach. She cried - in the middle of that most spacious cage.
There was the land, the girl and the eagle who lived inside her forever.

Back | Top of Page